Dairy Box were my mother’s favourite chocolates. She has never been a huge fan of dark chocolate (Cote D’Or excepted) and DB really pushed all her buttons. If I was in her good books I may score an orange or strawberry cream, even a coffee cream if I was in Angel Mode. She adored the nutty ones and my dad would clear up most of the rest. My brother didn’t like chocolate. He didn’t like chips. Or ice cream. We don’t talk…

One chocolate was, however, unloved. It was the weird “crunchy” one (“croquante”?) – chocolate layered with a thin sugary wafer, it would linger in the plastic tray until my mum decided the box needed chucking away and I’d be offered the offending chocs in a rather perfunctory “take it or leave it” offer. I always took it, of course. It was sweet – too sweet even for me, and I was mainlining Lucozade even then and that stuff was lethal. It was crunchy – but not like a Crunchie. It was “OK” – kids these days would probably describe it as “meh”.

So fast forward nearly 40 years – and imagine my shocked face. I had (for research purposes) purchased a “Black Forest Buche” dessert – developed “by Heston Blumenthal for Waitrose”. It had cost over £12 for a frozen supermarket dessert. I had waited for nearly 3 hours for it to defrost. And there – in the middle of this pretentious dessert indulgence – was a layer of that same, crunchy, sugary nastiness that so offended our family all those decades ago. I fought back tears of anguish and soldiered on…

Initial impressions (once the price – over £12 – had been excused) were good. Nice black box, nothing gauche, very “Heston” I suppose. As for the buche itself there was certainly no squirty cream or grated chocolate on top. Not even a cherry. Almost military functionality. I can handle minimalism, I suppose – still, it was as though Panerai had started a cakeshop…

Once the defrosting period had passed, I reached for my knife and sliced. The layers stayed together neatly – and the cross-section certainly looked the part – very stylish and enticing. I adore Black Forest Gateau, I must confess – and it doesn’t have to be the best version to satisfy my vile lusts. I am not ashamed to admit that I am pretty happy with a cheap, nasty, synthetic-cream and cherry over-sweet dessert/harlot. I am not proud. OK, maybe I am a bit ashamed, but this is a time for honesty.

A few mouthfuls later and my spoon was put down. I pondered. I mused. But nope – in any combination of layers it just didn’t work for me. Other than the crispy layer, each one was well made but somehow anaemic. No real cherry hit, no creamy indulgence, no Kirsch spike. Just chocolate mousse. I expected… more! Nothing was actually wrong with the thing (ok, the crispy layer was ill-conceived from my standpoint, but thats nothing new.)

I am all for re-invention, even deconstruction. This just seemed to have been done “for the sake of it” and has lost what made the original such a classic albeit a shamefully abused one over the years.

I can’t recommend it – but DO try it. I have the Heston mince pies in front of me as I write this – I dont really like mince pies, but you never know…

Pros: Looks the part with nice packaging etc. Mousse OK. Cherry nice. Snob value.

Cons: Unbalanced. Overpriced. Not enough tangy cherry to offset the chocolate. 70s flashbacks enduring, despite medication.

Overall : Get 2 M&S BFGs and some nice Cointreau cream or something. Meantime I am off to watch the Tomorrow People… then Day of the Daleks (classic!)

Rating : 6.5

For more Foodie fun follow Robert Price on Twitter: @drobertprice

Being a practical and resourceful people, the Chinese have given the world an almost endless list of inventions and innovations – gunpowder, pasta (the jury is out on that one, to be fair), paper – and its close, better-loved relative paper money… but all of these pale into insignificance next to one, perfect, soul-enhancing development :

Dim Sum.

It means “to touch the heart” – and has there ever been a more perfectly named foodstuff? (OK, “Crunchie” comes close!) Of course, some just interpret it as “dumplings” – and they are a major component of the experience – but that sells it way too short. A proper Dim Sum session can cover a lot of culinary ground.

Now, the Tai Wu has the dubious honour of being my “local” for Chinese indulgences – but I must make something clear from the outset : I ONLY eat there at lunchtimes, and ONLY Dim Sum. I have eaten there in the evening a couple of times and found it “OK” – and I have never tried the buffet restaurant on its underground level. Neither hold any interest for me – Dim Sum is “where the magic happens.”

On any lunchtime the place will be packed – on weekends it gets almost ridiculous! Before the 12 noon opening time a queue will be stretching back along Oxford Road – and for those who love to trot out the old cliche, yes most of the waiting gourmets ARE Chinese.

Once inside you will be struck by two things – first, this place is BIG and secondly almost NO expense was spared on the decor! There are a few half-hearted efforts at artwork on the walls, but everything else is “Chinese Restaurant Standard”. Its not thrilling, but this is a no-nonsense venue – and the real action is going to be on your table!

Now, the routine varies a little depending on whether its a weekend or not. During the week its a standard waitress/menu affair – i.e. order what you fancy and wait expectantly. At weekends, however, a Hong Kong style trolley service is in effect, which is a little more chaotic, but also provides opportunities for some adventurous eating. Waitresses will push their trolleys laden with enticing goodies around – there are English descriptions on the side of the trolley, but its useful to learn the Chinese names for your favourites as it can be a little confusing at times.

My recommendations are fairly straightforward :

Order a blend of fried and steamed dumplings – these can range from the “standard” Har Gau (those cute little ridged pale dumplings, stuffed with juicy prawns) to some seriously unusual combinations. Try anything that takes your fancy – another advantage of dim sum is that its a remarkably inexpensive way to explore some wonderful taste sensations.

Also, order a main dish – there’s a green laminated menu for those – some rice (the fried rice with smoked meats is a favourite) or maybe some Cantonese style roast meats on noodles, for example – rich roast duck, crispy roast belly pork and sweet char siu BBQ pork – heaven!

Drink tea with the meal – it cuts through any greasy richness and also helps digestion. You WILL overindulge so its a wise move.

On weekends, try the special dishes – the roast suckling pig with crisp wafer-thin skin the real star is amazing, and the prawn toasts… well you won’t be able to look at a regular deep-fried triangle covered in sesame seeds again! These are whole prawns, their tails defiantly aloft, embedded in a prawn stuffing on crisp, hot toast – seriously delicious!

Try to learn the names of your favourite dishes – it makes things more fun and (on weekends) considerably easier.

Go in a group – the more the merrier and you can try more dishes! BUT get there early (there is normally a queue before they open at noon, especially at weekends – if you miss the first wave you may have to wait an hour or so for a table!)

———-

Rating (dim sum ONLY remember!)

Pros : food, price, fun, near where I live (ahem)

Cons : noisy, basic setting, waiting

Overall : 9

Standouts : roast meats, prawn toast at weekends

Tai Wu Restaurant
44-50 Oxford Road
Manchester
M1 5EJ

If you’d like to read more from Gastroclub member Robert Price, find him on Twitter: @drobertprice

Restaurant of the Year 2011 – Winner, Ramsons, Bury, 

Other nominated restaurants:

Damson

Michael Caines Restaurant at Abode

The Mark Addy,

Gaucho

Harvey Nichols Second Floor Restaurant

Chef of the Year – Winner, Laurence Tottingham & Mary-Ellen McTague (Aumbry)

Other nominated chefs:

Bryn Evans, Rhubarb, West Didsbury

Ian Armstrong, Vertigo

Robert Owen Brown, Mark Addy

Pete Taylor, Room

Stuart Thomson, Harvey Nichols Second Floor Restaurant

Pub of the Year – Winner, The Parlour

Other nominated pubs:

Bar Fringe

The Castle Hotel

The Angel Pub

The Briton’s Protection

The Nursery Inn

Bar of the Year 2011 – Winner, Electrik

Other nominated bars:

Black Dog Ballroom

The Alchemist

The Molly House

Port Street Beer House

The River Bar, Lowry Hotel

Newcomer of the Year 2011 – Winner,  Cicchetti

Other’s nominated:

Australasia

Bistro 1847

Port Street Beer House

The Rose Garden

Vertigo

Best Coffee Shop or Casual Dining – Winner, The Chocolate Café, Ramsbottom

Other’s nominated:

Jack Spratt

Kebabish

North Tea Power

Tampopo

Teacup

Best Food and Drink Retail Outlet – Winner, WH FROSTS THE BUTCHERS. 

Others nominated:

Barbakan, Delicatessen

Bradley’s Bakery, Ashton-under-Lyne

The Cheese Place, Prestwich

J.A. Hyman (Titanics), Cheetham

Out of the Blue, Chorlton

Best Wine List – Winner, Harvey Nichols Second Floor Restaurant

Others nominated:

Evuna

Gaucho

Michael Caines Restaurant at Abode Manchester

Ramsons, Bury

The River Bar and Restaurant, The Lowry Hotel

Best Family Friendly Venue – Winner, Croma 

Manchester Food Hero Award – Winner, TheGastroclub.com

Truly Good Food – Winner, Shlurp

The Howard and Ruth Award for Outstanding Achievement – Winner, Dimitri Griliopoulos 

We also have these awesome badges for the hardcore members among you (It just means you really really like Gastroclub) which you could add to your blog (or where ever you like) to show you allegiance to the foodie movement that it Gastroclub

A massive massive thanks to the ever so talented Rachel Tonner for creating this and putting up with me throughout the creative process. Not to mention for all her free time devoted to creating this for the club. Check out her work here: http://www.rbgarts.com/

Its a cafe. It serves Vietnamese food. Yes, things CAN be that straightforward, oh cynical reader!

The Vnam Cafe sits on Oldham Road, opposite the Royal Mail depot. Its uninspiring exterior should not deter you, so please persist. No frills doesn’t always mean no thrills, and thus it is here!

Vietnamese food is akin to Chinese food with a few Thai influences (fish sauce, certain other ingredients) and is subtly and relatively lightly spiced (unless you want it otherwise – the options are there!) Starters can be light (Summer Rolls – a fresh, crunchy rolled-not-fried version of a Spring Roll) or deliciously meat-based (BBQ pork skewers, redolent with lemongrass – moist, delicious, moreish) and there are even variations on familiar dishes (some of the best salt-and-pepper king prawns you will find in Manchester, for all its large Chinatown!) Oh and try the BBQ quail – delicious, served with a simply pepper dip. Sublime.

Main course offer salads, more BBQ dishes (lamb chops, served with rice for example) or one-bowl dishes such as the classic Pho – viewers of Tony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” series will know that this noodle and meat soup dish is his “Death Row meal” and its easy to see why, with a rich broth and a selection of condiments to add according to your personal preference!

Other dishes cover chicken, rice (fried or steamed) and most regular bases. Prices are extremely reasonable and portions large (especially the one-pot dishes – you may want to reconsider that starter, cowboy!)

The Vnam isn’t licensed, but a Coke is a cooling friend at somewhere like this so I don’t miss the booze. Vietnamese coffee is also a revelation – either hot or (my preference) cold, with sweetened condensed milk – a coffee milkshake substitute to sit with the finest!

The lads who run the place ensure that the food is cooked freshly to order and the quality is admirably consistent. Sure, its not a chic environment (it used to be a hairdressers!) but its the food that matters. Everyone with a love of Asian cuisine should try it – yes, again it IS that simple. Oh and if you are inspired to try Vietnamese dishes at home, there is a small Vietnamese supermarket next door so you can snaffle some ingredients on the same visit.

As the cliche goes, if you weren’t there,  you can’t know what ‘Nam was like, man. Well you can avoid this mistake where the Vnam is concerned… and you won’t need to be dropped in by Huey (though there is usually a space in the parking bays nearby, which is a bonus!)

Pros : food, price, consistency, parking

Cons : decor a little basic, menu could be more extensive

Overall : 9

Standouts : BBQ pork skewers, Pho, Vietnamese coffee

Keep up-to-date with Roberts Foodie finds by following him on Twitter.

Taken from Cicchetti webstie

It’s hard to imagine that the casual, relaxed and friendly environment of Cicchetti can be an offshoot of San Carlo just over King Street – a restaurant that has received the dubious honour of my “Worst Restaurant Service. Ever.” award (and it even retained it – I have since decided to award it them in perpetuity to save myself time, pain and money in visiting again!)

So its relaxed, stylish and friendly. The menu is designed to encourage sharing (that profanity crops up in restaurants too often for my liking these days, but its not unreasonable here.) Dishes are (generally) small, though on a recent visit a deep fried pizza (more a calzone rather than a Glasgow style cheese’n'tomato) and a platter of tempura style vegetables were both substantial dishes – the crisp, light vegetables being of special note.

A single seared scallop atop a pea risotto caused one of those terrible modern-manners “oh no, please, you have it!” standoffs – when neither party really wants to surrender the divine looking treasure. A compromise worthy of the UN was reached and the scallop was divided and enjoyed.

Seafood is a real specialty here, but every ingredient – however humble it may seem – is given space to be enjoyed in itself. This all makes for a wonderful eating experience and is as suited to a diplomatic mother-entertaining lunch as it is to a date with a more romantic agenda.

Desserts aren’t quite as exciting as the other dishes, being serviceable rather than noteworthy. Oh and this may be a small issue, but they really should mention that their Affogato (a shot of espresso over ice-cream) contains a pretty hefty shot of liqueur (Frangelico, I think, didn’t taste like Amaretto anyway) and non-drinkers might not welcome this addition. Some versions don’t have the booze so its good to be clear, I reckon! All things considered, I think this is some of the best Italian food to be had in Manchester.

Pros : ingredients top notch, extensive menu, options for all, light touch to cooking, excellent service, great for people-watching (and listening!)

Cons : not cheap, desserts a bit disappointing, can be cramped at peak hours

Overall : 9

Follow Robert on Twitter here for more Foodie stories.

However, I’m starting to think that I, or Gastroclub, or both, might be jinxed. Last month I attended my very first Gastroclub, only to find that on the night in question a small and unpleasant part of the Manchester community was busy looting shops, setting fires and generally rampaging through the streets in a manner not entirely conducive to having a relaxing evening. It’s OK, Katie assured me, everything will be alright this time…and to be fair, there was no actual rioting. What there was instead was the world’s largest traffic jam and a two-and-a-half hour journey home; this time, when I tweeted *cries*, I actually was, just a little bit, in sheer desperation at the mental picture of my lovely dinner slipping away from me.But – hurrah – I made it. Yes, I looked rough, but I slipped into most excellent purple shoes that I hoped would divert the eye and was inChoice Bar and Restaurant, holding a glass of champagne, by 7.30. Restaurants that wish to lure the discerning Gastroclubbers through their doors need to put together a pretty tempting menu, and Choice – tucked away round the back of Key 103 on Castle Quay – had certainly done just that. Not all of it worked, but this is what we had:

1. Amuse Bouche of a Confit Duck BonBon. This really did amuse my mouth greatly for the fraction of a second that it lasted – a small ball of meaty goodness that amply demonstrated the fundamental flaw in the amuse bouche concept – we all felt we could have managed about eight of them. Or ten. Or a hundred and ten. A good start.

2. Terrine of Fois Gras with a coarse Chicken Liver Pate centre. This was the opposite of the amuse bouche – most of us felt we could have done with slightly less of this delicious but suicidally rich slab of pate. Luckily the VERY hungry man on our table selflessly ate all the leftovers, along with the extra bread that was brought at our request by the excellent staff.

This is “old people code” for coffee’n'cake. This is more than “something they fancy” – it’s an addiction with them. An addiction that needs feeding. “But where to score?” I hear you cry in tremulous tones… well, read on. And forget Needle Park, panic or no – this is the real deal, oh yes!

1. Patisserie Valerie.

This newcomer lies a mere eclair’s-throw from Kendals (sorry, mum-speak there – House of Fraser!) Its lightly decked out in regular cafe fittings with a few Belle Epoque-inspired posters, but overall the effect is more familiar than thrilling (anyone remember the Kardomah cafe in St Peter’s Square? Its that sort of vibe…)

Taken from Patisserie Valerie website

The menu is extensive, running from breakfast dishes, sandwiches and (naturally) the sweet treats. Their cakes sit proudly in the window, luring women (and their long-suffering sons or other cliches!) inside. They are, to be fair, worth a detour and are “pretty good” I suppose. I used to live in Brussels and was pretty spoilt where cakes are concerned so I may have lost perspective, but these are (to me) of a “good shop-bought” quality level – reliable, enjoyable (especially the fruit tarts) but nothing amazing. Addicts will be satisfied though, I am sure. Coffees here are good, the breakfast dishes serviceable and the staff helpful and friendly – and yes, you can get the cakes boxed up for a secret fix later. Their orange sorbet probably saved my life on one (rare) hot summer’s day recently, so kudos for that too!

Pros : location, cakes good, wide range

Cons : no “wow” factor, bit dull

Overall : 7 (8 if viewed through rheumy eyes)

2. Home Sweet Home

Now, this is how the Northern Quarter sees the dark arts of cake and coffee etc. Well at least how the people behind the gleefully enigmatic Socio Rehab cocktail bar see it anyway, as they are behind this place as well.

Taken from Home Sweet Home website

Firstly its “look” – well is there a design movement called “Studied Eclectic”? Nothing here seems to match – as though they throw the twin of every object away when discovered! Its groovy, I suppose – and it makes for quite a relaxed (well it IS the NQ, man!) sort of experience. The menu is a little more quirky here, with the “baked while you wait” (no, really!) cookies and toasties being worthy of mention. Their milkshakes are a thing of beauty and I recently sampled their Full English breakfast and enjoyed it immensely. You don’t (technically) need to take an Old Person(tm) with you here, and it shows. Service is happy, bubble and on at least one occasion “cute” – this helps!

Pros : cool, relaxed, great shakes

Cons : grannies et al might not “want to go to Afflecks or Fobidden Planet now?” with the enthusiasm they once might have done…

Overall : 8

You can follow more Foodie greatness from the lovely Robert on twitter

Starting with li’l sausage links was a great choice, eight lip-tinglingly spicy, densely meaty sausages set the tone for a delightful meal.

For a main course I had tender pulled pork served with coleslaw and jalapeno cornbread and a separate side of parmesan truffle fries, my friend had the southern hospitality sharing platter with a side of macaroni cheese. My pork was moist, tasty and plentiful, accompanied by light jalapeno cornbread and coleslaw. Though our additional sides were good, they weren’t really necessary. My friend’s platter was great, with pulled pork, beef brisket and very meaty belly ribs. The brisket was a little overpowered by its smoky flavour. The accompanying pickle spears were a thoughtful touch to cut through the rich meats.

The drinks menu is nearly as drool-worthy as the food. We began with Shake Your Own Martinis. What a great idea! Our gorgeous Violet Flight and Berried Daq were a lot of fun to mix and a real talking point. I think they’d be great for a first date. We also enjoyed our Sharing Cocktail, Cherry Choc 11, resplendent on a tiered cast iron stand accompanied by delicious cherries and chocolate fudge. It lived up to the wows it elicited when delivered to our table.

And yes, we also had desserts. My friend’s chocolate brownie was exceptionally good and squidgy, with chocolate orange sauce and fruit compote a nice touch of added interest. I opted for cookies and milk which entirely surpassed expectations. Three fresh-baked chocolate orange, peanut and double choc chip cookies with a bottle of milk, served fridge cold, flavoured with vanilla and honey. Perfect – better than I could have imagined.

One disappointment is lack of vegetarian options. There are no vegetarian main dishes but hopefully there will be in the future so veggies can have the same level of barbecue excitement (and comfort) as meat eaters.

Prices are very reasonable considering the quality and portion sizes, appetisers begin at £2.95, mains are £7.50-£15.95 and desserts all £4.95.

Service was exceptionally warm and helpful for such early days of any venture and on a busy night. My friend and I enjoyed an evening we’ve recommended to friends and are looking forward to future visits, studying menu changes and seeing success continue for owner and southern food junkie James Hitchen and his team.

Visited 29 July

You can read more from Laura Maley on her blog Cultural Shenanigans or follow her on Twitter

Despite the widening waist belt eating out and reviewing restaurants has a lot of pluses and if it is something you have always wanted to do now’s the time. All Gastroclub members can use the website as a platform to build up their profile as a reviewer / food critic with a wide foodie reader base.

Writing about food for the Gastroclub website

1. You can write about any outing to a Manchester restaurant (or outside of Manchester if it is a really special venue). It can be about a Gastroclub evening or a meal you have had recently outside of Gastroclub

2. Set the scene: what were your expectations, what was the occasion (what time of day/day was it).

3. Present a fair and balanced review and talk about your experience as a whole. What was good and bad. Make suggestions on how it could be improved. Talk about the atmosphere, décor, location, facilities, menu on offer, service, food, quality of ingredients, price etc.

4. It doesn’t have to just be a review of a restaurant/take away. Think about reviewing products from the supermarket, top cooking tips or recipes, appliances or industry issues.

5. Try and offer a unique write up for the Gastroclub website that you haven’t posted elsewhere if possible.

6. Take pictures to use in the blog post.

7. Send it all over to manchester (At) the gastroclub.com with pictures and it will be posted on the website with a link to your personal profile/twitter or blog so people can find out more about you.

How to be a full time Food Critic

It is a competitive industry (as most are these days) but if you want to approach it really seriously think about the following tips:

1. Write lots, get your reviews out there and start to build up a distinctive writing style and profile. Once you have built up a portfolio of reviews consider sending them to perspective employers.

2. Try to remain anonymous to ensure you don’t get preferential treatment and can give a fair review of the place. Maybe use a different name to book your table at each venue.

3. Remember if you go out really regularly take a few friends along. Order outside of your usual comfort zone and try and get a starter/main/dessert. Share the dishes with your friends so you get to taste a range of dishes on offer from the venue. Taste each dish but if you are doing reviews regularly consider sharing the rest of the portion with your friends to avoid overeating.

4. Learn as much as you can about the restaurant industry and the art of cooking. Aim to be able to cook at a professional level to help your review be informative and respected.

5. Increase you culinary vocab. There is a whole world of specialist terms used for different dishes/styles of cooked etc. So make sure you are au fait with these.

6. Learn how to taste wine – it will help hone your palate and tasting skills as well as great to include in your food reviews.

7. Keep up to date with well-known food critics. Look at their style of writing and what they pick up on in their review.

Hopefully this gives some useful tips and whether you are just looking to write for pleasure or a future career we’d love to showcase your work up on the Gastroclub website.

Do you have any other tips for writing reviews or becoming a food critic? Leave a comment in the comment box.